Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
