she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
