her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
it's like iHOP with fire
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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