you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
