1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize