there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
