is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
