If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
