Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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