Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
We got so high we made milksteak
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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