She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
