just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
