Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
