Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize