I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
