Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
