I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
