hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
