I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
