I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Randomize
