i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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