no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
