Christians are straight up FREAKS
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
