her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
