I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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