Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Panties = found
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
