My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
