Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
