in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
