6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
