i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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