oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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