rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
My dick has a subreddit
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
