We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
