if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
