At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
