you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
