I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
