Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
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