do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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