Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
