Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
