and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
