I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
