Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
