fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
