standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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