Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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