i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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