if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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