im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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