Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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