No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
