ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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