Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
