Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
