Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize
