Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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