do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize