and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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