did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
