I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
