I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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