I don't usually arrange sex via text message
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Randomize