At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize