areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
