That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
